This event in my life was a total wildcard. Of all the things, I never expected nor even really considered tattoos. I never saw myself getting one because I wasn't really interested in it. So to say my parents and best friend were shocked when I told them my plan of getting one, was a complete understatement.
I've never really had a thing for tattoos. Yes, some of them are really pretty and cool to look at, and for the people who have them, they are a cool form of self-expression or a reminder of something significant in their life, but for me, being the indecisive person I am, I just thought that it would be better I stayed away as to not make a decision I might regret in the future. But that all changed when I got one for myself.
I learned a lot while I was abroad in the Philippines. I had my fair share of challenges while I was there. I was dealing with my post-grad depression, working through a hard breakup, dealing with the loss of a grandparent and the illness of another, and more. It was a very challenging time, emotionally and mentally, and I think from that my tattoo idea was born.
The idea for the design actually came to me while I was sitting in the grueling Manila traffic. I quickly jotted the idea down on my phone. I wanted to get an arrow that symbolized the movement of rising up and stars above it to represent reaching for the stars. In that moment it was just an idea. I was too early into my time abroad and I didn't think that I would actually go through with it.
Well, several months passed and I found myself thinking about it often. Then I started sketching it out in a notebook. Several revisions later, I ended up talking to my cousin about the logistics of getting it done. My aunt and cousin were shocked at my idea of getting a tattoo because it was so unlike me (and they were on the more liberal side already). I had yet to tell my parents.
I decided that because of the relationship I had with my parents, I wanted to tell them about my decision before actually getting it done. Not really to ask for permission but to ask them to respect my decision and to help me really think this idea through. I realized while defending my idea to my parents that I really wanted this. That it was going to mean something to me now and in the future. It wasn't until after my parents agreed to respect my decision did it really hit me that I was going to get a tattoo.
My cousin and I started planning. He booked the appointment for me with Yok, the artist who did his tattoos in a local tattoo shop, Whiplash Tattoo. I kept thinking about my idea and my design and if I was really going to do this. I did my research on different designs, symbols, placements, aftercare, pain levels, etc. I reached out to some of my friends and asked their opinions, taking in all the advice and constructive feedback I could get about the process and my design.
Finally, I decided let's do this. I'm ready. I wanted to get it done in the Philippines before I left. And so we went! I showed up to the tattoo shop with my final revision of the design, the artist stenciled it on my ankle, and then it was time. He started to tattoo the design onto my skin. It actually didn't hurt much. I think mainly because I've been anticipating this for several months so I was just ready for it. The adrenaline flooded my body and it was over in about 15 minutes. To me, it felt just like a cat scratch and then some soreness after. But from that night on, I was officially #inked.
Since this idea was something totally left-field from my usual ideas and self, I kept this idea very private. I didn't want to get criticized for my design or my decision. A tattoo is something very personal and I wanted to keep it that way for as long as I could. The only people who knew about it were the people directly involved with my process. I didn't mention it to my grandparents and extended family, my friends back home, and definitely not on social media. With an idea so different yet delicate, I didn't want people to destroy it before I had a chance to make up my mind about it and think it through. It wasn't until about 2 weeks after that I decided to post it on social media, ready to brave what criticisms (and compliments) were coming my way.
Thinking about it now, I'm really happy with my final design and that I decided to go through with this. I think the reason why I never gravitated toward tattoos before was because there was nothing significant enough in my life to convince me I needed one. I didn't understand why people found it necessary to permanently ink their body, but when this idea came to me, it hit me like a truck. I had trouble focusing on anything else but designing and drawing. To me, it felt like the most appropriate way to forever commemorate what I faced at that point in my life and during my time abroad. It's both a symbol of my strength then, but also a symbol of my ongoing battle with the future obstacles and challenges to come. This tattoo grounded me. It gave me a sense of control in a time where I was really feeling powerless. And it reminds me that I can do anything I set my mind to. For someone who tends to be indecisive, this tattoo was a decision I was sure about. It's my permanent little souvenir and reminder of my time spent in Manila and all that I learned while I was abroad.
"When you hit "rock bottom" the only way left to go is up. And since you're headed that way, reach for the stars✨"
Special thanks to Yok Genabe & Whiplash Tattoo
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